Dr. Justin Lima · September 15, 2026 · 3 min read
You NEED to Be Willing to Say No!
When you say no to something, you say yes to others. In this article you will learn why you need to say no!
As you scroll down you will get to read the words of one of my former mentors Coach Doyle. I asked him for permission to re-share this blog because it hits home things I have said for years. Have I been saying them for years because I learned them from him? Sure have. I also learned them from other people. Regardless, Coach Doyle's blog on saying no to things is key and something coaches need to hear. When you say no to things, you open the door to say yes to others. Enough from me, here is the re-published (with his permission) Substack article.
____
What Are You Willing to Say No To?
Willingness to Sacrifice Will Determine Your Outcome
Who do you want to be in the end?
Every journey starts with defining where you’re going. Identifying who you want to become gives you direction. You gain clarity about the path you need to take.
So, who do you want to be?
For the purpose of this post, I’m going to look at it from a career perspective. Certainly, from a human perspective, we could start with being a great parent, a great spouse or a loyal friend. Those are certainly more important in the big picture!
Now professionally, who do you want to be in the end?
If you’re a coach…Do you want to be a head coach? Do you want to win a championship? If you’re an athlete, are you trying to earn a starting job? Are you chasing an opportunity to play in college? Maybe you’ve reached a level where professional sports is a realistic possibility?
Deciding where you want to go is the first step.
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”
— James Clear
Once you determine who you want to become, your actions need to start casting votes in that direction. Clear talks about “owning the decisive moment”. Having a clear goal will help you make the make the simple daily choices necessary to stay on your path.
Study the people who are already doing what you want to do. What are the common behaviors and characteristics they display? Priorities, preparation, work ethic.
As you identify those behaviors, you are creating a vision…painting a picture of exactly what your destination looks like.
Setting a goal and identifying valued behaviors is the easy part.
The tough part is deciding what you’re willing to sacrifice.
What you’re willing to say NO to will define your outcome.
Anybody can aspire to be great. Anybody can say they want to be at the top of their field. The separation starts when you define the behaviors, chart the course and have the discipline to say no to anything that stands in the way.
Ask yourself…Does this experience bring me closer to the life I am trying to build?
Are you willing to say no to low-value behavior? Mindlessly scrolling through social media. Binge-watching Netflix. Spending hours playing video games. Staying out drinking when you know what you have to do the next morning.
Maybe it’s saying no to junk food or dessert because you have a physical goal that requires discipline. Maybe it’s saying no to sleeping in because you made a commitment to train.
Maybe it’s turning down another meeting because you know it’s nothing more than a distraction from work that actually needs to get done.
Sometimes you have to say no to people.
At some point you have to decide how much access you’re going to give people to your time and energy. When you are on the path, participating in gossip and complaining is no longer an option, NO thanks.
And sometimes the hardest thing to say no to is other people’s opinions.
There’s an old cliché: Don’t worry about the opinions of people you wouldn’t take advice from. There’s a lot of truth in that.
If you are trying to get to the top of your field, there are going to be people along the way who don’t understand it. Some won’t like the decisions you make. Some may feel threatened by your ambition. There will always be critics. Often, the most critical people are the ones who are afraid to get out of their own comfort zones and chase their dreams. Their criticism says more about them than it does you.
You have to have the courage to not be liked. It means understanding what you’ve committed to and protecting the behaviors that are going to get you there.
Simply stated, what does this process look like?
First, decide who you want to be. Get clear about the destination.
Then define the behaviors that will lead you down the path toward becoming that person.
Finally, decide what you’re willing to sacrifice to get there.
Sacrifice is where most of the separation occurs.
It is human nature to take your foot off the gas. To tell yourself it’s OK to take a break. To rationalize the small decisions because one night, one meal, one missed workout or one wasted hour doesn’t seem like a big deal. But that’s a lie. We are talking about the compound effect in action.
“Simple daily disciplines- little productive actions, repeated consistently over time- add up to the difference between failure and success.”
— Jeff Olson
The people who eventually find themselves at the front of the line are usually the ones who refuse to allow distractions to come between themselves and the goal. They have a clear vision, understand what it takes and stay on the path.
Everyone wants to be great… The question is.
What are you willing to say NO to in order to get it?
___
That is the end of the article from Coach Doyle. I want to double down on a few things. The part about personal and professional. He left out religion, I will not. You want to start there. That is the part of you that cannot be taken away. We are all loved children of God who loved us so much that he sent his one and only son to save us (John 3:16). When you start here and build your life on this, not add it to all the things you do, your life is at its best. This does not mean you will not face hard times, as Jesus Himself said "Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world" (John 16:33 NLT).
Therefore when you order your life as relationship with:
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Family
5. Friends
6. Work
7. Hobbies, etc...
You are saying yes to the most important, and will actually allow you to live a more full life.
The next thing to double down on is the Slight Edge concept. In the book from Jeff (which we read as a staff and team in 2014/2015 Iowa) he talks about what becomes uncomfortable early becomes comfortable later; and what is comfortable at first becomes uncomfortable later. Take saying no for example. It will be uncomfortable at first to tell a coach "no I cannot come in at this weekend event because my family made prior plans; however, I will not leave you hanging and I got coverage for the team." But it will be more comfortable later when and if you need to do this again (caveat, use you head and understand the balance with when you can and cant say no). You will also feel comfortable saying yes to your boss all the time, and then it gets to the point when you work so much on the weekend your children don't recognize you and never have any memories of you at their events. That is uncomfortable and all could have been avoided by being uncomfortable early and said no when it makes sense.
This is not black and white, cut and dry, etc...it is a balance. So go and read: Slight Edge, Extreme Ownership, and Dichotomy of Leadership. Once you have done that, lets chat more on the topic!
If you want more from Coach Doyle and his substack click here to go to his page - https://substack.com/@doyleperformance
Dr. Justin Lima
Strength Coach Network
